


Spread Your Wings

by SandHopper



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Depression, Divorce, F/F, F/M, Growing Up, Memories, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 14:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17061764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandHopper/pseuds/SandHopper
Summary: Sparrows symbolize creativity, joy, and simplicity, but most of all, strength in numbers. They don't do too well on their own.Being a lone sparrow makes the world a dark place.(Minor Natsuki/Yuri. Contains Monika/Protagonist, but is not meant to be viewed as the focus of the story and will not be tagged).





	Spread Your Wings

**Author's Note:**

> This story does not contain a happy ending.

I

...

Sayori, long, strawberry hair and red bow, and her mysterious friend, who went by his initials, MC, were friends for their whole lives. It made sense. They were next-door neighbors, and their parents were all good friends before the duo was born. Every Saturday night, Sayori went to MC's house for dinner. MC wouldn't figure out why until a few years later.

MC and Sayori were like a brother a sister, and they operated as a family. His parents always took them to the neighborhood park together, so that they could play on the swings and join random games of tag like kids did.

Every now and then, Sayori would trip trying to keep with with MC. She was very fragile, therefore hurt herself often. Usually, she would just scrape her knee, but one time, when they were seven, she broke it after a long fall at the playground.

MC was turned the other way a few yards in front of her, and luckily didn't have to watch it happen. But his body froze for a few seconds before spinning around as he heard her cry out in pain.

"Sayori! Are you okay?"

She was crying too much to answer.

"Mom! Dad! Sayori is hurt!"

...

In the hospital, MC sat by her and held her hand as they were told that Sayori would need surgery to repair her knee. MC's parents nodded in the absence of Sayori's own. They looked at each other grimly, as they knew that Sayori's folks were most likely at their house, unaware of the situation, but arguing about money instead.

MC had just caught the flu, and had to stay home in the days before Sayori's surgery. As soon as he was better, he demanded to be taken to the hospital to see his best friend and make sure she was okay. She was in operation when he arrived there, so he sat in the waiting room for hours with his parents until she was allowed visitors.

"Sayori!"

"MC!"

MC hugged her the best he could, and lightly so that he wouldn't hurt her. It was obvious by her smiling through a pained expression that she was already hurt when he walked in.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, a little. They gave me medicines earlier to help it."

"That's good. Right?" MC turned to his parents. They nodded, but were still disappointed that they were the set of adults in the room, not the girl's actual family.

Every night, a few hours after school ended, MC went to visit her. He would bring his backpack and do his homework while she slept, but as soon as she woke up, he would throw it all aside and run his mouth nonstop.

He told her everything that happened at school, ranging from second grade math class to them getting a new kid. Sayori would say what she could, as the medication wore her out easily. Every night, when she fell asleep, MC considered it a mission accomplished and would go home to go to bed himself.

Sone nights, he would have to stay later, and Sayori's pain would be so bad that it would make her start crying. No matter what, MC was always by her side until it stopped.

...

II

...

When they were ten, Sayori and MC were taking a walk in the prettiest part of their town, when Sayori spotted an injured bird on it's back in a flowerbed.

"MC! That poor bird...what do we do?"

MC looked puzzled. He had gradually become a more calm person, not as bubbly as Sayori was.

"Leave it, Sayori. If you get too attached, it'll be harder to let go when it dies."

Sayori was shocked. She had never heard MC say anything so dark before. Of course, she understood the concept of death. She remembered her Uncle's funeral from when she was young. But to hear her best friend say it? They weren't certain that it would die, either.

"MC, I can save it! There's a first aid kit in my room! I can patch its wing back up, and-"

"Forget it, Sayori. It's as good as dead." He grabbed her hand to keep her walking. "Let's go."

"But-" Sayori cut herself off. She knew that there was no point in arguing with MC, was always smarter than her, always one step ahead.

Soon, they were at the point where they needed to separate. MC had to head to the local bookstore. His mother's birthday was coming up, and he already knew what to get her. He insisted that Sayori just head home, as she procrastinated a school project and desperately needed to make up time.

MC waved goodbye and headed down the other street. As soon as he was out of sight, Sayori ran back to the flowerbed where the dying bird lay, and saw it still breathing. She scooped it up as gently as possible and speed walked to her house.

Her parents weren't home, so she took out her spare key to unlock the front door. She didn't have time to lock it back up behind her as she threw her bag down and ran upstairs to find her first aid kit. In doing so, she realized that she had no idea what to do.

The large needle contained in the kit would cause the little bird to bleed out if used on its damaged wing. It was only a sparrow, after all.

Everything was too big. She looked in her bathroom cabinets and found nothing. She went back into her bedroom and tried putting the tiniest amount of pressure near the wing. She remembered the doctors doing that before she passed out during surgery.

Her family was Catholic. All she could do now was pray. She prayed that the pressure was working and that she knew what she was doing. She prayed that it would all turn out fine and the bird would be alright.

The bird closed its eyes and took in its last breath, while Sayori was holding it up to the window.

"Come on, spread your wings..." she said, more to herself than to the sparrow at that point.

"Spread your wings..." Tears formed in her eyes as the tiny lifeform stopped moving in her hands. They started rolling down her face and she placed the sparrow on her windowsill, wishing for a miracle. She just wanted something to happen.

But it didn't. Thunder clapped in the sky and the bird fell to the ground. Sayori felt so stupid, crying over just a little bird, but she couldn't help it. Rain was pouring down to the ground at a high speed within seconds, but she couldn't move her arms to close the window, instead letting the rain fall onto her. She wanted it to mask the tears, to make her face look less pathetic. It was still red.

Footsteps coming up her stairs startled her. She turned around to see MC standing in the doorway, wet from the pouring rain outside.

"I'm sorry MC...I couldn't just let it die!"

"I know Sayori." He held his arms open and Sayori jumped in them.

"I tried to warn you what would happen, Sayori." Feeling as if that made her cry harder, he rubbed her back and spoke softer. "It's okay. You did what you could to save it. But it was too far gone." He was doing his best to let her know it would be okay.

Sayori heard everything he was saying to her. The whole time, she knew that the bird probably wouldn't make it, but there was a little shimmer of hope inside of her. It had faded away completely and left nothing behind. She felt absolutely pathetic and ashamed of herself for losing it over something so small, a lifeform she would never have noticed if she didn't just happen to look down at the flowers that day.

As MC continued to whisper soothing words while patting her back, trying to calm her down, Sayori had one thought:

She wished she was that bird.

...

III

...

The ones who really noticed how much Sayori's parents argued over money were MC's parents. Gradually, they'd leave town for longer and longer periods of time, but they still saw the incoming divorce.

While it tore apart the sets of parents, it only brought Sayori and MC closer together. When MC's parents took long business trips, Sayori would sleep over at his house almost every night. They would stay up light, watch movies and eat ice cream straight out of the gallon.

MC would listen as Sayori trusted him with everything about the divorce, and he let her cry on his shoulder when she needed to. They were twelve at the time.

Sayori only really understood half of it. She knew that they had money issues, and, as much as they told her that it wasn't her fault, she couldn't stop blaming herself. She was the one that didn't pay for anything. The useless one.

"Can't you just work a little harder to get more money?"

Her mother shook her head. On the other side, her father looked like he wanted to scream.

"Go to MC's house, sweetie. Let the grown ups take care of this."

"But I'm twelve! I can get a job, I can help!"

"You're too young to get a job. Don't worry honey, we'll sort it out. Be a good girl and go to MC's."

That was the last time they were all in the same room together.

She listened to her mother and walked next door. MC's parents wouldn't be back for a couple of days, so she just walked in and sat down on the couch next to him.

"I'm worried about them," she started. "All they do is fight and fight and fight...I don't know what to do anymore."

MC turned off the TV to listen. "Didn't they tell you that they'd sort it out? I think it's best if we stay out of it."

"But I can help!" Sayori insisted.

"There's nothing either of us can do. We just have to let stuff happen the way it does."

"I guess that makes sense..."

"Do you want anything to drink? Grape soda?"

"Sure!" Sayori smiled. MC always took care of her and knew how to cheer her up. She allowed the smile to fade off of her face as he left the room to grab the drinks from the kitchen, thinking about how the situation was completely out of her hands. Even though she knew she couldn't control it anymore, she was still filled with a constant, bugging sadness biting at her. She wanted it to go away, but didn't know how to make it do so. She forced the smile back onto her face as MC returned, not wanting him to hurt as much as she was.

...

IV

...

A month after she turned thirteen, the divorce was finalized. She would never be forced to see her dad again, unless she wanted to. But her mom had full control over her. They completely failed to see what the situation was doing to her, but she wasn't sure if they would care anyway. Her parents weren't the best at communicating, even with their own child.

Her mother occasionally forgot about her entirely, so Sayori would have no choice but to go to MC's to eat. It wasn't her mother's fault that the divorce was destroying her, but she didn't really have money to support herself and a kid. Sometimes, Sayori would bring her food from MC's house, and she would have no idea where it came from.

The point was, MC was still taking care of her. Sayori felt completely helpless, but he was still there to take care of her. She knew that her grades were slipping, but she found it difficult to care about that.

She never truly forgot about the sparrow, either. It was always there in the back of her mind, maybe a demon. The memory of how she couldn't save its life haunted her, and she would have a nightmare about it every now and then.

Truly, she still wished it had been her instead.

...

V

...

When they were fifteen, MC grew a little more distant than he always had been. Sayori didn't really mind, as she had been making new friends herself. While MC locked himself up in his room, Sayori met two girls: Yuri and Natsuki. While they seemed to hate each other, Sayori saw through it. She saw the affection they really had towards each other, even if they would never admit it.

The trio sat together at lunch on most days, while MC would be busy doing homework. He had a hard time doing it while distracted, which was why he didn't get it done at home in the first place. He spent a lot of his time in the the school library, catching up missed assignments.

When he was free, Sayori would excuse herself from her usual table to eat with him on the roof. All the other students found walking up there a pain, so they settled for outside on the ground or simply the cafeteria provided.

They would talk about what had been going on lately in their lives. They said everything and nothing at the same time, shared meaningful, meaningless conversations.

Natsuki and Yuri had never questioned why on some days, she ate elsewhere. And Sayori took years to think of introducing them to MC. He said he'd join a club next year.

...

VI

...

On the first day of her junior year, Sayori walked into her first period class, chemistry. Even on the first day of school, she managed to oversleep, making her the last one to enter the classroom. She took the only available seat, next to someone she had never seen before. She resisted the urge to lazily throw down her body into the chair, and she didn't want any more attention from her classmates.

The girl looked up from where she was scribbling something down in pristine, perfect handwriting. Her long hair supported a big, white bow.

"Hi," she said. "I'm Monika."

"I'm Sayori. Do people still shake hands when they meet?"

"I don't believe so. Did you mean to say that aloud?"

"Always. Saying dumb stuff is kind of my thing."

Monika laughed, producing one of the most beautiful sounds Sayori had ever heard. Sayori wasn't the funniest person, as most of the laughs she received was from her messing something up, like tripping and falling. But she was determined to make Monika laugh as much as possible.

After all, wasn't her sole purpose to make people happy?

"So, are you new?" she asked.

"Yes. My family moved here in early summer after my mom got a new job here. How's this school?"

"What do you mean?"

"My old school was really strict about everything. It seems sort of...laid back, here."

"Oh. Well, in eight grade, our math teacher was hungover almost every Monday, and drunk on half of the Fridays. That's not much compared to the students, though. A senior who graduated last year is in prison for some reason. His friends drove to the police station while they were high, not sure how that went."

It was obvious by Monika's smile that she was trying not to laugh. It made Sayori smile too. It was her first genuine one in a while. Years, she thought. Even as her life was falling apart at the seams, this random new girl was making her smile.

"Really? Oh God, my last school was nothing like this one. There are good people here, right?"

"Of course there are! You just have to look past that rough exterior and see what's it's really worth. Kind of like with people!"

"Wow, Sayori, that's actually pretty poetic. Say, does this school offer student-run clubs?"

"Yeah, it does. It may try a little too hard, with the uniforms and all, but it's not that bad. Why?"

"I was thinking of starting a new one. I used to be on the debate club, but it wasn't for me. It all felt like politics, you know what I'm saying?"

"No."

Monika let out a small laugh again. "That makes sense, if you were never in a major club, which I'm assuming you weren't. They're nothing but arguing over money and stupid stuff, then breaking into two sides and debating within."

Ouch. That hit too close to home for Sayori's liking. She noticeably flinched when Monika started speaking of money arguments and breaking up. It hurt her more than she wanted it to, even though it'd been years. Monika was still talking.

"I was thinking a literature club, and- are you okay?"

Sayori didn't move.

"Hey, what happened?"

The tone of her voice was soft and soothing, almost in the same way MC's was when he comforted her about anything.

Huh, MC. She hadn't thought about him for a while.

"Sayori."

She looked up. "Hmm?"

"What's wrong? You kind of blanked out for a second there. I was worried."

"Oh, it's nothing. Just sort of happens some times, you know?"

_Liar._

Shut up.

_You're just weak, pathetic, and stupid._

She felt tears forming in her eyes, threatening to fall at any moment.

_Nah. Fucking loser. Stop trying to make friends. Why do Yuri and Natsuki even want you? Third wheel. This beautiful girl certainly doesn't want you. You're a waste of space. Just_

"Shut UP!"

"Sayori!"

"Principal's office. Now!"

She barely had time to register what had happened when it did. Her legs carried her to the door and out of it before she told them to. She truly had no idea what was going on.

The voice that had been in her heads only moments before had already gone. Who else had called out? Obviously, the teacher had sent her out of the room. The one who called her name sounded like Monika, but she wasn't completely sure about it.

Her mind went to the sparrow from those six years ago. She still remembered telling it, 'spread your wings,' as if anything would happen.

Stupid Sayori.

...

She didn't see Monika in her next few classes, and didn't have Yuri or Natsuki in a class until after lunch. When she got to the cafeteria, she immediately felt the stares on her. Being high school, rumors would spread quickly, growing further and further away from the truth with everyone who heard it.

She sat down next to Yuri, who was seating across from Natsuki.

"Yo! Sayori! What happened?" Natsuki had a loud voice, one that could likely be heard from several tables over. Sayori didn't have the energy to care at the moment.

"I don't wanna talk about it," she responded, face in her arms. She was exhausted despite getting somewhat decent sleep the night before.

"Are you sure? We can help, if you want...uh, hello? Who are you?"

Not knowing what Yuri was referring to, Sayori looked up. She wished she didn't. Monika was standing with a lunch tray above them, concern etched into her features.

"I'm Monika. I met Sayori this morning. Is this seat taken?" She pointed towards the empty chair next to Natsuki.

"Be my guest, sister."

Sayori's face was red. Although she was fond of Monika, she had hoped that she wouldn't have to see her the rest of the day.

She was looking straight at her. "Sayori?"

"I'm okay, Monika. It just happens sometimes."

"I'll take your word for it."

"...thanks, Monika."

"Don't worry about it. I don't want to push you any more."

Natsuki and Yuri made short eye contact with each other before turning back to Monika.

"So, you said it was Monika, right?"

"Yes. And you are?"

"Natsuki. This is Yuri." She gestured at her friend across the table.

"It's a pleasure meeting you, Monika."

"Likewise. Anyhoo, I don't know if Sayori mentioned it yet, but we're thinking of starting a club. For literature. To make a club, you probably need more members, and-"

"Not interested," said Natsuki, bluntly.

"Natsuki, please." Yuri turned to Monika. "I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. Natsuki is interested too, she just won't show it."

"Hey! Don't speak for me, idiot! I'll join the stupid club if it'll make you shut up."

"I think that's a yes from both of us."

"Great! Sayori and I can go after school today."

"Okay," said Sayori, head perking up. Everyone seemed to be over that morning's incident. "I'll show you where it is when we go."

"That sounds good. I'll wait outside the chemistry room, then."

The rest of the day went by normally. Her outburst had apparently been nothing compared to what happened directly after lunch, being that three kids were caught smoking outside the locker rooms.

When school was over, Sayori went to the chemistry door as instructed by Monika. The other girl wasn't there yet, so Sayori assumed that she was just getting her stuff. But she heard a voice just around the corner. It was Monika, laughing with someone. It would take Sayori weeks to figure out why she was immediately filled with jealousy. She assumed, at the time, that it was because someone else was doing exactly what she wanted to do.

It wasn't all bad, though. At least she got to hear Monika laughing again.

Soon after, Monika did turn around the corner to see Sayori waiting for her.

"Ready to go?" she asked.

"Yup!" Sayori replied. "We need to go to the front office and pick up club papers to sign. Nat and Yuri have to sign, too, but you'll be the vice president. You accept, right?"

"Me? A vice president? I'm not sure I'm really cut out for that..." By now they were walking through the hallway, dodging the slowest walkers to get to their destination.

"Are you sure? It's my first day, and I've only just met you, but you really seem like someone I can trust. Besides, we only have four members so far, so it's not a huge responsibility."

"Really? You trust me?"

Monika smiled while facing forward. Sayoir was looking at her out of the corner of her eye. "It's weird, but yeah, I do. I trust you."

"Well...I trust you too, Monika."

"So you'll do it?" There was a hopeful glimmer in her eyes as she turned to face Sayori, who had been unintentionally staring at her the whole time.

"Yeah." She wouldn't deny that she was nervous about working in such close proximity with someone she had just met. But at the same time, she was excited. How bad could it be?

...

Sayori had three of the four papers the duo had gotten when the visited the office. She felt a little weird seeing the school secretary for the second time on the first day of school, but if the old lady even noticed, she didn't care.

She read and signed the top paper, then put the other two away. Those were for Natsuki and Yuri- she would be giving them to them the next day.

Natsuki didn't show it, but she really way excited to join the club. Yuri was as well, her definition of excitement was just on a lower level than Sayori's.

For a split second, the thought of getting MC to join the club crossed her mind. _What a stupid idea,_ she thought. _MC never reads. He plays video games in his room. Why would he of all people want to join a literature club?_ The thought disappeared just as quick as it came.

Still, she had high expectations for a club. It was most of her friends, just hanging out together and discussing books. Maybe even writing? She didn't know. They hadn't talked much about it yet, but their first club meeting was set to the next day.

She went to bed with high hopes and big dreams for the literature club, her thoughts fading to nothing as she fell asleep.

...

In their chemistry class the next day, Sayori walked in so late, that the bell had already rung for class to start. That meant she hadn't had a chance to talk to Monika.

Even after class ended, her next one was on the other side of the school, so she barely had time to get there even if she didn't stop to chat. She gave a sincere, apologetic look towards Monika before nearly running across the school and up a flight of stairs.

They met up again at lunch. "Yuri, Natsuki, I have the club papers for you guys."

"Great. Should we sign them now?"

"Yes, please. Monika and I want to go and turn them in now."

Natsuki put down her sandwich to talk. "Do I actually have to read all of this? I've probably seen it before."

"Just sign it, Natsuki," said Sayori.

After two quick signatures, Monika and Sayori were off to the office again, this time to hand in papers rather than take them.

They cut across the front lot in order to get to the office. They dropped off the papers without any hassle and walked back out to head towards the cafeteria. This time, Monika stopped her by tapping on her arm.

"Sayori?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

Monika clenched her fists a bit. "I just wanted to say thank you, you know, for starting this club with me out of nowhere. This is my third new school I'm attending, and I've never met anyone like you. I doubt I ever will again."

Sayori was completely taken aback. How could this girl just say things so easily? Sayori herself could, but everyone else she knew had trouble speaking their minds. Monika was one-of-a-kind too.

Not knowing what to say, Sayori wrapped her arms around the other girls waist in a tight embrace. After a few seconds, likely ones of the other's shock, she felt Monika's hands slowly place themselves on her back.

_You're fucking pathetic. Why the fuck would you do that? You clearly made her uncomfortable. Worthless piece of trash. Fuck you._

She hugged her tighter.

...

The first club meeting went great. Actually, they all went great. On some days, they would all do their own thing. Yuri with a novel, Natsuki with a manga,  the other two doing as they pleased. Sometimes, they would discuss what they were individually reading, or they'd all read the same thing to talk about.

Sometimes they wrote. They never shared what they were writing, but could see each other with pencils and paper across the room.

On one of Sayori's particularly bad days, she told her friends during the club that she was going to the bathroom and would be back in a minute. A minute turned into five, which turned into ten. The restroom was only down the hall, so Monika decided to see if she was lying about something.

Instead of finding what she thought she would, which would be nothing, she found Sayori crying while facing the mirror. As soon as Monika opened the door, Sayori faced the opposite direction, trying to hide her red face in her sweatshirt sleeves.

It didn't work. Monika was the one who initiated the hug that time, gently taking Sayori in her arms without a word.

The literature club was truly a perfect place for the four friends to have a good time together. It was like this for a year.

Of course, Sayori would still make time for MC. He was busier than ever, so they stopped eating lunch together entirely. Sayori didn't mind this much. She, of course, accepted that there would eventually be some space between them.

She still went over to his place every Saturday night for dinner. That was a tradition, and no matter how bad she felt about herself, she wouldn't disappoint him. That's not what a good friend would do. And the last thing Sayori wanted to do was to be a bad friend.

Everything good about the literature club was turned upside down a year after it started.

I don't think I need to tell you what I'm referring to.  
...

VII

...

September had come and gone like a flash. Her senior year was passing by too quickly. It was already October, the first Tuesday morning of the month. She woke up earlier than usual, though not for any particular reason. Usually by the time she woke up, she could see MC already ready and walking to school. Today wasn't the case.

She quickly got dressed, brushed her teeth, and did everything else she needed to do to prepare for her day. As she was washing her plate from breakfast, she saw him outside. As fast as she could, she got her shoes on and ran outside with her bag.

"MC! MC! Wait for me!"

The other boy appeared to be annoyed, but he stopped walking to wait anyway.

"MC! Jeez, you walk fast."

"Am I late? Or are you early?" Despite the mocking tone in his voice, he was still smiling. It was the first time this year that they walked to school together.

"Haha. Very funny. Join a club yet?"

"What?"

"Remember last year when you said you'd join a club?"

"Uh...no?"

"Well, you did! And I was thinking, you should join my club! I never introduced you to any of my friends."

"Is there a reason for this all of a sudden?"

"Well...what if I oversleep every day for the rest of high school?"

"What are the odds of that?"

"That isn't the point, MC! The point is that we're seniors now, and we need to cherish the chances we get to spend time together! Besides, all you ever do is watch anime anyways."

"Hey! There's nothing wrong with what I do in my free time. At least I've never gotten suspended from school for tricking a teacher into eating a pot brownie."

Sayori giggled. "That's true."

"So, you want me to join the literature club?"

"That's right! We could use a new member to spice things up a bit."

"If it'll make you happy, I guess it's worth it."

Sayori wanted to smile at that, but she couldn't. She instead pointed at the upcoming building, the high school. "Looks like we're here."

"Yup."

"So, I'll see you after school today?"

"Of course! I won't let you down, Sayo."

...

Sayori spent the day buzzing with excitement. She had to try her absolute hardest not to tell the other girls that she was bringing along MC. She wanted to keep it a surprise for them, since the club was getting a bit bland.

When the final bell rung, Sayori went to her locker. MC's wasn't far away, just a bit down the hall. After grabbing her bag, she went and found him.

"Ready to go, MC?"

"Sure. Let's do it."

The club meeting went about how Sayori expected it to. MC was thrilled to see three new, cute girls.

What she didn't expect was for MC to already know Monika. "MC? You remember me, don't you?"

"Monika? Of course! We met your first day here, right?"

And she had to admit, something about it bothered her. She didn't want to be a burden on anyone, so she kept quiet.

The next day was worse. Whenever MC talked to Yuri, Natsuki looked uncomfortable, and vice versa. She wished she had something to do to stop the devastated looks on their faces, but all she could do was sit there and watch it happen. She honestly couldn't tell if they liked MC or if they didn't.

She was certain that Monika did, however. Her and Sayori's mini conversations in the corner of the classroom were replaced with Monika and MC laughing out loud at the classroom's front. She didn't know why it bothered her so much. Her two best friends were getting along great, and they didn't need her.

They didn't need her. But that wasn't it.

At home that night, after finishing a project, Sayori made a promise to herself. She promised that she'd never let anything bad happen over a stupid crush. No matter how bad she wished it was her instead, that she could fill that spot just as well as anyone else could, she couldn't say anything.

Jealousy is an ugly thing.

...

The third day of MC being in the club was no different than the previous two, besides maybe Natsuki showing a bit more disinterest overall towards the boy.

It was the walk home that settled it.

Sayori was going to ask him. If he preferred her or Monika. She'd have to be indirect if she wanted to shed some light on the situation. Maybe asking if he'd walk home with her if he had the chance?

"Sayori." Too late.

"Yeah?"

"I want to ask you something that I can't ask anyone else just yet."

"Oh?" Yes! That meant he still trusted her! "Of course!"

"Well, I've only been in the club for a few days..."

"Yeah."

"And it's kinda early for this, but..."

"Go on, MC." He appeared to be hesitant to continue with his question, but it definitely interested Sayori, so she wanted to encourage him as much as she could.

"...you know Monika pretty well, don't you?"

Oh. So he couldn't ask Monika because that's who it was about.

"I do."

"I'm pretty nervous about it, but I was kinda hoping you could help me. I want to ask Monika to be my girlfriend."

With those words, those painful words that she had been unknowingly dreading, Sayori felt her heart break into a million pieces. Was it because MC desired someone else? The desperate search inside herself told her that, no, it wasn't. She remembered in her earliest days thinking of the duo as siblings. It was jealousy, alright.

But Sayori was in love with Monika.

"But I don't know if anyone else has a thing for her. I'd feel terrible doing that to someone. Since you know her well, do you think there's anyone?"

The hardest thing Sayori would ever have to do was force that stupid smile on her face and respond.

"No. There's no one else."

...

Arriving home, Sayori threw down her bag as hard as she could onto the hardwood floor, lowering her own body too. Of course her mother wasn't home. She never was anymore.

She grabbed the nearest pillow to where she was on the ground and sobbed uncontrollably into it. Her blinds constantly remained closed as a reminder of what the world truly was. Her mom taught it to her.

'The world is a dark place, and it brings nothing but pain and sorrow to everyone in it. I'm sorry that I need to teach you this so early in your life. But you need to know this: happiness is not easy to find. You may think it is, but it takes everything in you to find it. It takes everything out of you. The world is a cruel place. A dark place.'

Sayori felt like a broken record as her mother's words repeated over and over again in her head. But she couldn't bring herself to stop crying. At least the closed blinds meant that MC wouldn't be able to see her.

On Friday morning, she couldn't drag herself out of bed to get to school. Even though she knew it was festival preparation day, she couldn't deal with having to see Monika any longer. Separating herself from her would bring less pain to both of them. By this point, Sayori knew that no one wanted her around. It would be easier to stay by herself all day. Instead of texting someone to let them know, she went straight back to sleep.

...

Upon waking up, it was already Saturday. Nowadays, it wasn't uncommon for her to sleep way too much. It eased the pain. Yet again, she couldn't pull herself up. Physically, she was stuck, but her mind was racing. For once, she strictly forced her mind to focus on her life's positives. She didn't want to do what she thought she was going to do.

Immediately the sparrow came to mind, but she pushed it far back with thoughts of her. Monika.

When her mind was getting worse, Sayori cut her hair. She didn't think it looked very good, but Monika immediately said that she loved it. Sayori kept it that way. It was easier to take care of, after all.

Every time Sayori got a good grade, being a passing one, on a chemistry test, Monika would congratulate her. It was quite evident that Sayori struggled in the class, but she felt like just being around Monika made her more intelligent.

One time, when they were hanging out during a literature club meeting, Sayori said 'bless you' one second before Monika sneezed. The two made a scene, causing Natsuki and Yuri to worry for a moment before joining in the roaring laughter.

Huh. No wonder Sayori loved this girl. Not only did Monika bring out the best in her, but she brought out the best in Monika as well.

Sayori was filled with warmth at the thoughts. She couldn't bring herself to smile, she was out of those. But after hours of reflecting on the past year with one she loved all along, she peacefully drifted off into a deep sleep.

...

It wasn't until three PM the next day when Sayori woke up. In opposition to the previous two days, she practically threw herself out of bed. It wasn't as though she had a nightmare, she was just filled with energy from having absolutely none for two days. It would usually be the opposite, and she would have even less energy than the days before, causing even more trouble when finally rising, but today was different.

She wanted to do something. Positivity soared through her veins as she ran through her house, looking for where she dropped her coat and shoes. She even went to her garage to get her old bike, since it was a little far away. She had never been there before, but memorized the address just in case.

She hopped on it, jacket zipped up due to the light rain. She pedaled faster and faster through the misty streets, quickly picking up speed. She didn't know what her destination looked like, but when she saw it, Sayori knew it was right.

Outside Monika's house, she threw down her bike, exhausted from the long ride. She hastily knocked on the door, before she realized, she had no idea what to say.

"Just a second!"

Sayori was suddenly nervous. Why had she even come here? Did she just want to all of a sudden? Why?

"Sorry about the wait. Oh, hey, Sayori! We missed you on Friday! Where were you? You didn't text any of us."

"Sick."

"Oh. Bummer. Are you going to do any decorations or anything?"

"No time." Her answers were short and curt.

"Ah," Monika looked at her watch, "you're right. Well, will you at least be able to make the festival?"

_Boy, you've screwed up now._

Shut the fuck up.

_Say something._

"I'm not sure yet."

_Fucking shithead._

"Well, let me know, then."

"Actually, I think I'll be busy. Sorry, Monika."

"Oh. If you're busy, then there's nothing we can do. That still sucks though."

_Sayori~_

The voice in her head was getting louder and louder with every word. She didn't know what to do. Yet again. Sayori had lost control of her life.

_Sayori._

Every time she was around Monika, that little demon would come back to ruin everything good that was happening.

_SAYORI._

She would have to stop it once and for all. She figured there was only one thing that she _could_  do.

_SAYORI!_

Reaching up, Sayori grabbed Monika's collar, other hand touching her soft, delicate hair, and pulled her into a kiss. To say she was surprised by her own actions would be a severe understatement- she hadn't meant to do it at all. She couldn't tell herself that she wasn't enjoying it though.

She halfway expected Monika to want to deepen the kiss. Her only dream was for the other girl to long for Sayori as much as she did for her. Ah, selfish desires. This was not the case at all.

She was able to pull away with ease. The confused look on Monika's face was enough to tell her that she wasn't wanted to needed anymore. She nodded slowly, wordlessly.

"Sayori..."

Sayori couldn't speak. She shook her head instead.

"No. Wait, please don't leave." Sayori was turned around and walking towards her bicycle. She picked it up from where it was hastily thrown on the muddy ground. The rain was heavier than when she left her house, she noticed.

"Sayori!"

Sayori couldn't bring herself to turn around. She got on the bike as quickly as she could and started moving through the rain.

"Sayori! Please, please come back..." Monika was between yelling and weeping, but Sayori looked forward. She saw the lighting in the distance, close to her house.

The girl with short, strawberry hair and no red bow wouldn't see it, but Monika was down on her knees, begging, hoping that Sayori would come back if only for a moment to explain. Her tears mixed with the rain and helped create the mud she felt stuck in. She sat for what felt like hours before MC finally came out the door to wrap his arms around her figure, letting her know it would be okay.

_You fucking dyke. You deserve everything coming to you for what you did. Just kill-_

The voice was cut off as Monika's cries faded from her ears.

...

She woke up again. It was nine hours later. And the middle of the night hours weren't her best. When she got home, she brought her bike in through the front door, too drained yet emotionally overwhelmed to do anything else. She collapsed on top of it and blacked out listening to the downpour outside.

It was nearing one AM. Her entire body hurt from sleeping on top of an old bicycle while soaking wet from being outside for so long.

Her dragged herself up to her bedroom and threw her body onto the hard floor. The worn carpet didn't break her fall at all, though the impact couldn't compare to the pain of heartbreak.

She knew and loved that girl for a year, and MC knew her for days. What did he even know about her? Jealousy was here, more intense than ever.

In her previous hours of consciousness, before the last one of course, she had tried her hardest to think of everything positive. That wouldn't work on her again.

Because the work is a dark place.

She thought of her entire life leading up to that moment, where she lay in a heap on her floor. She knew she should be sleeping, as the festival was the next day, but what was the point? Monika never wanted to see her again, clearly. She truly never wanted to leave her bedroom again. Ever.

Besides that, how could she sleep when her mind was racing? Every thought she ever had suddenly came back to her mind, flooding it with memories, the good and the bad.

By the time she finished, it was five o'clock sharp. She managed to stand up and head towards her window. The first birds were already singing, a small flock flying over her yard.

For what felt like the first time in her life, she really, actually smiled.

Sparrows.

The smile turned into a giggle, soon a sadistic and maniacal laugh. It hurt her lungs to be doing so much at once after forcing that laugh for years.

She face palmed and headed to her closet. _What have I been doing, I should've done this years ago!_  She picked up the project from when she promised to not do anything stupid. That ring a bell? It was only days ago, but time was either stretched or nothing but a concept to her as she hung the noose on her ceiling fan.

She decided that her desk chair would do. She rolled it towards the middle of her room and hopped on. The thought crossed her mind to write a note, but who would read that garbage, anyway? It's not like her mom would be home for a while, and none of her friends gave a big enough shit to check on her anymore.

She felt determined as she stood up there, as if it were a podium and she had just won a huge prize. There was nothing stopping her now. A quick image of Monika flashed replaced the darkness in her head, although it was quickly followed by one of MC.

Wait. Since when did she hate MC?

He was her best friend all along. Sayori regretted everything she had done the past year. She began hyperventilating. Monika was important to her, but was she really worth more than MC? Yes and no.

She longer Sayori stood up on the rolling chair, the more nervous she got. How would she explain what she did to Monika to her? Sure it was only a kiss, but she seemed shocked and offended by it.

Sayori had to way to repay her for how much she helped her. No way in living. She didn't want to back out now, no way. The only way to give back to her was to take away the burden.

Calm began to pass over her once again. Of course, she could pay back Monika. One day, she would make it up to her. There were other ways to fix it, not this way. In her mind, she stepped off the chair and headed over to her desk for tissues. She wiped the tears off her face, the ones she didn't know remained from hours before.

She threw those tissues away and went into her bathroom. She brushed her hair and teeth, then went back to her bedroom to get clothing for when she finished the shower she was going to take. Sayori aXMg YSBm dWNra W5nI Gpva 2Ugb 2YgY SBod W1hb iBiZW luZy4=

That was only in her mind. She was upright, but not on her feet. She was only being supported by her neck now.

Her eyes were completely closed, but she could see perfectly. She saw birds. Little, brown, chubby birds, flying through the sky as a single unit to get to their next destination.

Together.

Spread your wings, Sayori.

They wouldn't budge, stuck to her sides like glue. She desperately wanted to bring them up to her neck, to the rope, to loosen it and escape its deadly grasp. She wanted to save herself from what she now knew she didn't deserve. It was choking her, and she felt blood running down her shirt. Her arms finally flew up and tore at the rope vigorously. After mere moments, she could do longer tell the blood from her neck apart from the blood coming out of her fingertips. Her nails broke from the fight. Her arms fell back to their place.

Spread your wings.

But her fight was over now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to look at this, dear reader. I know it isn't the best, but before you comment that, know that I know.
> 
> The story was more written in rage than anything else. I won't go into detail, but I recently lost someone to suicide and the comments about it were just awful. This is why it seems disconnected and rushed at the end.
> 
> Rest well, man.


End file.
